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Swimming Changing Room Etiquette: What NOT to do (Part 2)



So, you might know that I recently overcame the shame of not being able to swim by taking swimming lessons. Since learning, it’s been a fantastic way to exercise and deal out some inappropriate innuendo to the over 50s ladies in the adjacent lane, who probably don’t appreciate it but it's all I have to offer when they are casually demolishing me in the swimming stakes. One important lesson that I learnt about swimming is that naturally there comes with it a little nudity (please see previous similarly titled blog for details if in doubt).

Just to be clear, the nudity does not arise in the pool, that would be deeply disturbing, but in the changing rooms. And, with nudity, there is also the "naked chat". I'm not a fan of this form of chat in this particularly setting, but it comes with the territory. You learn to accept it, just like eating green peppers or those foamy bits in Haribo sweets (I'm all about the jelly; not like that). You don't like it, but you don’t complain.

Anyway, since my eyes were terrorised by one of the fellow swimmers last time (see same previous blog), I thought that this sort of naked assault was over. However, it appears it was not.

Last week was "back stroke week", which meant an hour of different back stroke techniques and challenges. Balancing a duck on your face whilst swimming, using arms only, using legs only, that sort of thing. It was pretty gruelling and we all toddled off to the changing room after the session discussing the usual beasting. We do the "naked chat" thing and it's on an acceptable level then POW! He's demonstrating and explaining what he thinks is a better way to improve his swimming efficiency by facing me and simulating back stroke!

Just imagine someone, facing you, naked, hips arched forward, windmilling their arms around. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THIS SORT OF THING DOES TO YOUR EYES!? I had to pour vinegar into my eyes last time to try and erase the seared images, but there's no hope this time. I might as well just jab my retinas with rusty forks, there's no other solution.

To be fair, his technique was pretty good.

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