It might just be me, but you know you are a parent when...
1. Your musical repertoire is either music from your teens/twenties or current day cartoon theme tunes
"She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge...64, 64, 64, Zoo Lane..."
2. When you rate restaurants by its soft play facilities rather than the quality of the food.
"How's your food? My steak and ale pie tastes like roadkill...after having been previously digested..."
3. Your social life revolves completely around your kids' social lives
"Sorry, I can't make it out this Saturday...I'm out at flower arranging classes with Charlie in the morning and then advanced origami lessons with Bonnie in the afternoon, followed by the annual national taxidermy finals with Georgie in the evening..."
4. When everything your child does for the first time, you react like you've only just discovered human beings can do those things
"I am telling you, her poo isn't like black tar with seeds any more, it's like actual poo – like a proper person's poo. How amazing is that?!...I'll write it down in the baby journal as a milestone..."
5. You have more plastic crockery and cutlery in your drawers than any others
"Wifey, do you want your fillet steak in the Paw Patrol pasta bowl or on the Barbie Pink Shoes side plate?"
6. You know children's book authors more than adult ones
"Have you read the latest thriller by Julia Donaldson? The ending with the old lady in the small house was such a great twist..."
7. Your desire to swear increases exponentially, but your ability to swear openly radically reduces in direct proportion
"For frankfurter's sake, will you fish-ing stop crumbling your rice crackers all over the squid-ing carpet!!!?"
8. Your moral compass is defined by the lessons learnt on Bing.
"Must not steal lollipop from supermarket, must not steal lollipop from supermarket, must not steal lollipop from supermarket...DAMN IT! This is not just a bloomin' Bing thing!"
9. When you get inordinately proud or emotional from your kid's trivial achievements
"Gosh, is it dusty in here? My eyes are watering. I'm so proud of you, I really am, putting on your own socks is very clever, you clever little boy, you make me so proud little clever genius sock put-er on-er. By the way, what did you want for your eighteenth birthday this year...?"
10. When you secretly (but incorrectly) think your kids are the most beautiful kids in the world
"Do you think we should enter little Sophie in to the Premature Baby Modelling World Championships? I reckon she would definitely win in the 30 week gestation category...."
Also, see previous blog "Your Baby Looks Kinda Ugly" to understand the reason for this - http://www.candiddaddy.com/single-post/2016/07/08/Your-Baby-Looks-Kinda-Ugly
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