FOR SALE: NEW AND UNOPENED Parental Outsourcing and Relationship Moderating Device - £290

4 Jun 2017

Are you looking to outsource your parental duties? Is the relationship with your partner just too perfectly balanced for your liking?

 

Parents – are you sick of being the perfect parent? Or, just wanting some "me" time because taking a dump with a miniature audience is getting tiresome? Well, I have a Parental Outsourcing device which enables you to subcontract your responsibilities on a ...temporary or permanent basis with ease. All you need to do is simply place your child in front of this white razzle dazzle box, switch it on, slap in a disc and your child will fall into a deep state of gaming hypnosis, rendering them demand-free.

 

Suitable for all ages from newborn to 47 years of age, this box of wizardry will absolve you from all parental responsibility during use. Guilt free. These magical devices will solve every parenting issue you can think of. Literally, every one. Well, not literally. And, not every one. But, some. Maybe.

 

Lovers – bored of being secure in your relationship? Want to make life more exciting by potentially inciting a separation? Well, this diverse box of delight can achieve any relationship wobble you wish. Think of it like an exercise bike, the more frequently you use it and the longer it is used, the more effect it will have.

 

"What's that darling, you want to talk about feelings? Sorry, no can do princess, I'm building a pickaxe out of cubes in case an Iron Goblin attacks my fortress" are just some of the things you can say once you immerse yourself in the Relationship Moderating device.

 

One contented owner said "I was perfectly happy in my relationship until I bought one of these devices. Since then, I never speak to my partner. In fact, I barely do anything other than sit in my pants and eat monster munch whilst chatting to my best virtual friends about how best to mount an attack on the Death Star. It's great and just what I wanted."

 

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If the answer is yes, no or maybe to any of the above questions, I have the perfect solution for you in the form of the following:

 

BRAND NEW AND UNOPENED Xbox One S (500GB) bundle with 2 x controllers, Forza Horizon 3, Minecraft Favourites Pack, Just Dance 2017, Just Sing and LEGO Blu-Ray Movie. £290.

 

Seriously, I do actually have this for sale, so DM me or contact me if you are interested. You can collect from Doncaster or I can post/courier for a fee.

 

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Get in touch at - candiddaddy@yahoo.com

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