Undercover investigations by Scotland Yard have uncovered an organised underground ruse carried out by young children to deceive parents with the primary aim of fraudulently receiving a copious amount of unwarranted Christmas presents.
Detective James Barrow leading the investigation confirmed "This took several years of difficult undercover work to find the devious lengths that these little degenerates go to in order to gain a Furby or Hatchimal or any other rubbish yet expensive toy. It's an intricate web of lies that calls on a huge double bluff and is more widespread than you can imagine."
Little Johnny from Wakefield, aged 6, one of the children caught in the sting remarked "I don’t feel guilty at all. You really expect me to believe that a clinically obese old man is flying around with the help of magical reindeers liberally distributing Christmas presents to every Tom, Dick and Harry every 24 December. I'm young, but I'm not a total numpty."
Unremorseful, Johnny added, "I’ve seen the lengths they go to, to try and convince us that Santa exists. It is hilarious. What is it with the stupid mince pie and half eaten carrot? Don't even get me started on the talcum powder they sprinkle around the house pretending it is snow. It's not like I've never seen snow before, do they take us for idiots?! Frankly it's embarrassing. I'm not ashamed to admit I just go along with it as an excuse for me to get some extra Lego figures. I’ll put up with most things if it means I get more presents to unwrap on the big day. Never mind St Nicholas, I'll believe in leprechauns if it helps.
"Don't even get me started on the tooth fairy".
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