Daddy Sketches

Go on, click a pic to open up a Candid Daddy sketch in its full glory

NEW BLOG: First time flying with kid

We went on our first flight with the kids in March 2018, which basically means I am an expert at travelling with kids. If you are flying with kids now or in the future or even if you are never going to fly - get yourself educated by your favourite Candid Daddy. These are my words of wisdom. You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - awkward question 10

Solution #10 is technically answering the question, but in a language that is not their own. The more exotic the language the better, it doesn't make a difference they won't understand in any event but you can be more smug about it. Don't blame me just because I am au fait avec le Francais...Knew that GCSE French would come in handy one day... Don't hate the player, hate the juego...see what I did there... You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - awkward question 9

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #9 answers without words. Apply the theatrical technique of suggesting action, character, or emotion, using only gesture, expression, and movement. Mime time. Don't forget to mime the "Is that a glass pane in front of you?", the "Watch me walk down stairs". the "look, I'm pulling a rope". And, other such classics. If that doesn't answer their philosophical queries, nothing will. You are welcome

Candid Daddy - Who Prepares Wins

NEW BLOG: Five Daddy Day Out Survival Tips: Who Prepares Wins

Candid Daddy - awkward question 8

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #8 is pretty much carrying out the same verbal assault that your child decides to adopt in situations where you absolutely need to talk. Remember Dr Evil in Austin Powers? Just interrupt ever other word your child asks. Yes, it's annoying isn't it!?! Take that small child. You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - Grounds for Divorce

I think I am going to have to leave my wife. This has just gone too far. It's about time she stopped treating me like this. She denies it, but I caught her in the act... Okay, I don't want to incite a potential domestic but what is unacceptable in your relationship?

Candid Daddy - 20 song titles for parents

NEW BLOG: 20 song titles if they were written for parents Here are a list of songs that all parents can relate to. If you can think of any more pun-tastic or generally relevant titles, please feel free to post them in the comments.

Candid Daddy - Parenting Fact #264

You cannot argue with this. THIS IS FACT and statistically correct. Is that the same thing? I don't know but you get the idea

Candid Daddy - The "Floss"

NEW BLOG: Swimming Changing Room Etiquette: WHAT NOT TO DO - Part 3

Candid Daddy - awkward question #7

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #7 is a simple solution. Summon your inner Hulk and performing an act of spontaneous combustion. After this, you won't need to face any difficult questions ever again. Plus, it's one mess that you don't even need to clean up. Bonus. You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - Child Comparison

The difference in how you act between the number of children you have is stark. I swear if I ever have another child (which will never happen unless something goes seriously "wrong"), (s)he will be feral. Well... I mean more feral (for those of you who have met Issue Number 3)...

Candid Daddy - Tag

TAG THOSE SUCKERS!!! But, don't really, because all it would do is give them another reason to moan. Plus, you'd have to monitor their every move, which is even more work. And, it's probably not legal. So, don't actually do it.

Candid Daddy - Car Sing

When I am driving and my eldest daughter sings along to Moana in the car, I feel: - 60% amused to the point of having to stifle my laugh / like she is super cute - 30% like I am having sharp metal spiders poured into my ears - 10% disappointed that she doesn't sound, and will never sound, like Beyoncé What do your children sing along to and what are your feelings when your children sing? #thatsbeautifuldarling #bettheydidthisinguantanamo

Candid Daddy - Classic Parenting Statements 3

I'm a parent, which also makes me a hypocrite...

Candid Daddy - McDonald's

NEW BLOG: The Evolution of McDonald's Event

Candid Daddy - awkward question #6

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #6 requires some thespian talent. You will need to fake an episode of fainting. Just summon your inner "middle aged mother who has just seen Tom Hardy in a towel on CBeebies during bed time story" and pass out on the spot. One downside to this technique is that your child may think you have just died in front of their very eyes, which may cause some upset.

Candid Daddy - Charity Cycle Ride

NEW BLOG: Cycling the 100 mile Velo Birmingham for Macmillan Cancer Support!

Candid Daddy - naked 2

NEW BLOG: Swimming Changing Room Etiquette: WHAT NOT TO DO - Part 2

Candid Daddy - Snip

NEW BLOG: The S Word

Candid Daddy - awkward question #5

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #5 is to be executed spontaneously and without warning. It will cause sufficient confusion and fear (and possible embarrassment) that the whole question will be forgotten within an instant. DANCE OFF! Want an answer? First, check out this bossa nova! What do you mean you don't understand? You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - Professor

This was by far one of the funniest things I've seen for a long time. Every frame had something hilarious about it.

Candid Daddy - Classic Parenting Statements 2

I'm a slow learner, what can I say.

Candid Daddy - Suspension Magic

I have literally no idea what Infant Suspension is. All I know is that Calpol is mind-blowingly miraculous. Hmmm...suspension, suspension, suspension...maybe my kids will learn to levitate if they have enough (e.g. infants suspended in the air) or maybe they'll temporarily become adults (e.g. suspended from being infants). What on Earth is in this magical healing elixir of suspension? Anyway, it could be made from hippo beards and yeti toenails for all I care (it isn't, I don't think).

Candid Daddy - questions 4 - ignore

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #4 comes in the form of pure ignorance. Pretend you didn't hear the little sucker, look the other way and ignore their awkward queries, just get up and leave the room - all of these are options. Avoidance as a defence, you can't go wrong. You are welcome.

International Women's Day

NEW BLOG: What International Women's Day Means For Me(n)

Candid Daddy - mole cheese

Wifey: Do you know why cheese is smelly? Daughter (2 y/o): YES! YES! Wifey: Why is it smelly? Daughter (2 y/o): Because it got some moles in it! First of all, her grammar is terrible. Second of all, her ability to grasp simple facts is seriously lacking. There is no hope...

Candid Daddy - actíon time

When your true intentions are misunderstood (or deliberately ignored)...

Candid Daddy - Classic Parenting Statements 1

You know how it gets. Tell them something, get ignored, repeat until you are 56 years old or you die before that age...

Candid Daddy - awkward question #3

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #3 is sleight of hand in verbal form. You can be as creative as you like. Look a flamingo truck! Is that a giraffe riding a unicycle?! See, works every time. You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - Naked Chat

NEW BLOG: 🏊 🏊 Swimming Changing Room Etiquette: WHAT NOT TO DO 🏊 🏊

Candid Daddy - Google

NEW BLOG: Five things I have Googled only as a parent

Candid Daddy - awkward question #2

I am a dad, which means I know how to deal with my kids' difficult questions like a BOSS. Solution #2 embraces the modern world of technology and ensures that the little suckers gets what they asked for. Literally. Ask me anything, go on. What do you mean you don't understand? That's not my problem. You asked, I brought the goods. With gusto. Take that kiddo. You are welcome.

Candid Daddy - Chicken Pox Family

At the time of this drawing, my eldest son and middle daughter had received this news with totally different attitudes, which is pretty typical of their personalities. However, since the epidemic progressed, our daughter since become totally covered with the spots and is deeply unhappy about the whole affair. To demonstrate her dissatisfaction she has decided to wee any where she likes (despite being toilet trained).

Candid Daddy - Melli Christmas

How my daughter expresses her Christmas greeting

Candid Daddy - Chicken Pox 1

I also have chicken pox. Brilliant. I feel utterly dreadful, it really is unpleasant. Aside from having spots in places on your body where you would not wish to find a spot of any description, it is accompanied by a stonking headache, nausea, body-ache, sore throat, loss of appetite, tiredness and eyeball ache (not even joking). I have chicken pox in my mouth, how does that even happen!? Thankfully, the amount of sympathy I have been getting from Wifey has been overwhelming...

Candid Daddy - awkward question #1

Solution #1 is a very effective response. It provides a credible transfer of responsibility as my children listen to mummy probably more than they listen to me on authoritative explanations of fact (or anything else for that matter). This is a win-win solution as, for once, they will do as they are told, mummy will deal with the aftermath and you will escape the awkwardness. Simple but effective.

Candid Daddy - Superhero choice

Sometimes I wonder why kids bother giving you a choice, other than to GET ANGRY AT YOUR ANSWER.

Candid Daddy - Chicken Pox 2

Candid Daddy finally goes viral!!! Unfortunately, it's in the literal sense. I thought my legs and face had escaped but alas it was not so and my cycling modelling days are over. Just hand jobs from now on (not like that, you filth). So, the chicken pox has spread to every. possible. part. of. my. body. Nice mental image, right?! Well you should see the actual image, I look like the Swamp Thing crossed with the Elephant Man - the Swamp Elephant... I don't know where I'm going with that.

Candid Daddy - bum wiper 2

I know my place in life. Right here, next to willy holder and fairy wiper...

Candid Daddy - CNY 2017 rooster

NEW BLOG: Chinese New Year 2017: Celebrating Year of the Rooster with Fam

Candid Daddy - Toilet Flush

Kids are inquisitive...and also very gross...

candid daddy - Bogeys

High praise from children.

Candid Daddy - Holding the Baby

NEW BLOG: You know you are a parent when...(part 1) Remember the first time you held your baby? It was like holding an alien artefact. A persistently crying, pooing, sleep annihilating alien artefact...

Candid Daddy - Nanny Kiss

My daughter's inability to pronounce her k's has had its humorous advantages...

My two year old

daughter cannot pronounce "kiss"

properly, so I find it mildly amusing when she tells my mother-in-law "nanny, I *iss on your face".  I know I shouldn't find this funny, but I do.

Mummy received

some high praise recently, "You're really

good at getting bogies

out, mummy". I'm

assured these are of the

children...

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Go on, get in touch at: candiddaddy@yahoo.com

Candid Daddy - Charity Cycle Ride

NEW BLOG: Cycling the 100 mile Velo Birmingham for Macmillan Cancer Support!

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